Dear God, Thank You...

...for giving me 23 years with my Pap

...for a very supportive and loving family

...for an awesome future husband

...for providing us with what we need to live

...for what will be a beautiful wedding

...for giving me time to get to know you

...for Oreos

...for the things that make me happy:

art.

love.

and relationships.

What I Read at My Pap's Funeral: June 10, 2010

If you had asked me two or three years ago what I would have done if I lost my pap, I would have told you that I could not even fathom the thought of life on earth going on without him.  I literally could not squeeze that huge thought into my brain.  I honestly believed that if my pap died three years ago, life on earth would have come to a screeching halt… stopping everything in its path.

Ask me today how I feel about my pap being gone and this is what I would tell you:

I have many, many wonderful memories of my pap.  When I was just a little girl, he came and set up my swing set.  The very same swing set that my brother and sister and I played on for over a decade.  He could and would fix anything.  Whenever anyone had a problem, we always called pap.  I learned all of my curse words from my pap!  I have used those for almost two decades. 

And in the last five years, he had cancer.  We have all been angry that cancer exists and we have all seen what it does to its victims.  And I used to pray, “Lord, help me feel better.  Help my pap feel better. Make my grandma feel better.  Make this easy for her.”  But He creates these circumstances in our lives for a reason… and that is to make us more like Him.  We exist for God’s purposes, not vice versa.  I heard someone once say, “Why would God provide “heaven on earth” when he’s planned the real thing for you in eternity?”  God gives us our time on earth to build and strengthen our character for heaven.  I have tried this prayer instead, “Lord, Use this to make me grow and be more like You.”

Paul said, “Our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long.  Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory.  If we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.  What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later.”

When I look at my pap’s earthly body, I can’t help but to just smile.  Because I am thankful for knowing him for almost 23 years.  And in the last five, I have gained more respect for him than ever before.  I truly saw him not grow old, but grow up.  And that is what I will remember.  And I am genuinely happy for him now that he is in Heaven.  Both of my grandparents will be at my wedding in two weeks.  And although it might seem like forever away and it will be a long road, it’s really just the blink of an eye before we are all at that family reunion again.

The End

While my life may seem like a beginning at this point, I also feel like it is an end!

I have lived in Morgantown for 5 years now and it looks like I will be moving in the next few months to a completely new place.

I got really used to my job at Cheat Lake Elementary and now I have to leave these kids.  I really like them and I know it's going to break the kindergartner's hearts to hear that I am leaving.  I am waiting to tell them until closer to the last day of school.  I just hope that my next school is as nice as this one.

Last night, my home group met and we discussed a quote from our book.  "Don't live everyday like it's the first day of your life.  Live every day like it's the last day of your life!"

A Wolf At The Table

Have you ever read a book and just felt totally refreshed?  That's what happens when I read an Augusten Burroughs book.  Have you heard of Running With Scissors?  It's written by him.

A Wolf At The Table is another of his books:

Almost all of his stories are memoirs or stories of his really wacked childhood and even adult life.  He grew up in an almost unimaginable way and it really makes for a great story.  Most of the situations are pretty depressing and usually hard to believe, but boy does he have a way of making them hilarious.

But more importantly, the reason why he is the best writer I have ever read:


When I read his books, my senses are in an uproar.  I can smell exactly what he is smelling.  I can taste it, feel it, see it, etc.  He has a way of explaining these feelings that no one else on earth would think of.  I get a child-like refreshing feeling and I completely trust in him, so much that I wish it was me in his place.

 A Wolf at the Table is a memoir of Burroughs' childhood and his relationship with his father.  As a small boy, all he ever wanted was to feel loved by his dad.  This book is about the trials and tribulations of a little boy who would do anything to get a hug from the man who he looked up to.

 I will list a few of my favorite quotes without giving away too much (because secretly, this is an advertisement: GO BUY HIS BOOKS!):

We checked into a Holiday Inn just off Interstate 91 in Northampton.  The first thing I did was stand on the bed and touch the rough, sparkly ceiling.  I could just reach it.  As I drew my finger across the coarse, prickly surface I enjoyed a sense of relief and fulfillment--it felt exactly as I know it would (p.78).

When I spoke to my father my voice came out low and soft, almost a whisper.  "I don't really believe in a God that gives you new ice skates and stuff."  I kept to myself that when I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right beside me like a real best friend, watching and smiling and wishing he had a mouth (p. 162).

Visit Augusten Burrough's Website to learn more about his books and his life!

An Exciting Week!

Such an exciting and jam-packed week.

Sunday: My first Sunday teaching The Incredibles, a Sunday School class at my church made up of autistic children.  I spent the majority of the rest of the day relaxing.  Well needed.  Had the most delicious sushi for dinner.

Monday: Back to school.  Writing Assessment week.  I have to be quiet this week.  Trying some new and pretty cool "quiet" projects with the kids.  Put a chicken salsa corn soup in the crock pot.  Went to Zumba!

Tuesday: Starting packing up my room at school for the end of the year.  Worked out.  Went shopping for wedding stuff with Josh.  Had dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

Wednesday:  Getting a new student at school.  She will be in my favorite class, the class that I teach made up of 4 (now 5) students with autism.  I literally cannot wait to meet her.  For some odd reason, I feel like I am adopting a child or something.  I will only see the girl twice per week!  Then the girls from my home group are coming over to help me finish my wedding invitations.  Then we have home group.

Thursday:  Lauren and Eli are coming over for dinner.  I am making lasagna and garlic bread.  SOOO excited!

Friday:  Going out for a friend's birthday... should be fun.

Saturday:  Orff workshop in the morning.  Then an old friend from high school is coming to Morgantown to hang out!!!   I literally cannot wait for this!  We haven't spent time together in about 3 years!  Mallory, Christine, and I are hopefully going to do some fun stuff :-)

Sunday: My second week with the Incredibles.  Then lunch at Red Lobster for another friend's birthday.  And hopefully mailing the invitations :o)  IS it just me, or does mailing the invitations seem like a HUGE step???  It seems like the Point of No Return!!!!  

WOO-HOO!!!!

An Eye-Opener

But God wills our good, and our good is to love Him... and to love Him we must know Him: and if we know Him, we shall in fact fall on our faces....  Yet the call is not only to prostration and awe; it is to a reflection of the Divine life, a creaturely participation in the Divine attributes which is far beyond our present desires.  We are bidden to "put on Christ," to become like God.  That is, whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want.  Once more, we are embarrassed by the intolerable compliment, by too much love, not too little.
                                                                                         C.S. Lewis

My Home Group

For the first time, I joined a small home group from church.  Sort of as a bible study, but so far we are kind of following a prescribed path with a book/DVD, etc. until we get on our feet.  Even though I grew up as a pastor's kid, there are certain things that go on in a young woman's mind that sometimes need to be said.  And not always to her dad.  I am lucky to have recently had spiritual growth in my relationship with my father.  But I have never had the opportunity to speak openly and without judgement, prejudice, etc., specifically about religious things.  It is SO  refreshing! 

We have only known eachother for a short period of time, but I already feel so happy that we were brought together (obviously for a reason) and I can't wait to get to know eachother better.  I also can't wait to talk about things that have been on my mind for a LONG time--but I never felt as if I had many people to talk to about them.

Please pray for me and my group.  that we will continue to grow together.  that we will learn from eachother.  that we will form long-lasting and meaningful relationships. 

There's just something about this time of year...

Why does XMAS still give me butterflies?!?! 

• I know my gifts already (because I asked for things I need).
• There is no excitement over getting to sleep before Santa gets here.
• I used to love snow and winter.  I now hate snow and I hate cold.
• I used to love buying gifts for people.  I still love giving things, but I wish they were free.
• I do not enjoy sleeping in my mother's house.  I love my family, but I no longer have a bed there.  I sleep on my 10-yr old brother's bunk bed.
• I get depressed seeing how much people spend on Christmas.  A friend told me an interesting fact: America spends $450 BILLION every year on XMAS.  Yes, really.  It would only take $10 billion to provide EVERYONE IN THE WORLD with fresh water... yeah, I am a party pooper.
• I feel guilty when people spend money on me.
• The list goes on...

YET... I still get butterflies around this time of year. 

Maybe it's becuase I am thinking of different things now that I am older.  Maybe because I am thankful for Jesus.  Or my fiance.  Or my job.  Or my happiness.  Or my friends.  Or my family.  Or my new beginning to life and marriage.  Or the fact that I am getting 11 days off work :)